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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23831041">Thigh Tales</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/WeDemBoiz'>WeDemBoiz (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Metonic Time! [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Badniks speaking other languages, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I was listening to “Baby got Back” if that means anything, Its not NSFW don’t get it wrong, M/M, Thighs, This Is STUPID, but not necessary, happy quarantine, might need google translate for some parts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:26:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,315</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23831041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/WeDemBoiz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neo Metal Sonic might have been the world’s strongest, world’s smartest and a force to never be reckoned with. No one controlled Neo, and no one commanded him. There was one that even he bowed to, and lost to.... who could blame him? Even his entire army fell to it as well! </p><p>Alternatively, WeDemBoiz brings you a really, extra, mega crack fic starring Neo Metal Sonic!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Metal Sonic/Sonic the Hedgehog, Metonic - Relationship, Neo Metal Sonic/Sonic the Hedgehog</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Metonic Time! [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Thigh Tales</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Aka, WeDemBoiz writes this because quarantine is one hell of a drug. Why? Don’t ask, I couldn’t sleep until I wrote this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neo slammed his fists down on his console. </p><p>“Useless! All of them! Utterly useless!”, he screamed angrily, slamming his fists down once more. Punching down the control panels hard. “What has that damned hedgehog done to my army?!”, Neo screeched. It wasn’t no typical attack from Sonic, despite the factor of being unpredictable being present. </p><p>No, this was something diffrent. Something was completely off from these attacks. It wasn’t no usual spin dash or homing attack. It couldn’t have been the work of his fox friend’s inventions either. If it wasn’t either of those things... then what the hell was Sonic doing?! </p><p>If only he could have gotten a field report or the cameras working! Cursing himself for not doing so earlier, Neo Metal Sonic gritted his teeth. “I suppose if you want something done right, you must do it yourself”, he growled, completely pissed off the moment. </p><p>Neo Metal Sonic then heard a loud bang on the door. He stormed to the door and swung it open, as the door slammed against the wall loudly. It was one of his minions, a reprogrammed badnik. “Ah yes, finally something you imbeciles can get right! Well come on now, field reporter. What do you have to say?”, Neo Metal Sonic demanded, slightly calming down. </p><p>“Sir! It’s a very difficult and odd situation sir! We Badnik squads have no idea on how to attack sir! We await further orders!”, The other robot said, saluting Neo Metal Sonic. “Has Sonic really demolished most of your fellow soldiers already!?”, Neo Metal Sonic asked in mild disbelief. </p><p>“Yes sir! We are down to our commanders and about 2 badniks per squadron!”, The robot added. “Son a bitch!”, Neo shouted, “I’ll take it from here then, who knows what kind of crap Sonic has up his sleeve this time!”, Neo Metal Sonic said, gripping his fists once more. “I see why Dr. Eggman struggled to keep his sanity now”, Neo thought. </p><p>“Don’t need to look too far tinbrain! I’m right here!”, Sonic shouted, making his entrance. “Seriously, how did you not see me? It’s probably those nachos on your head covering your eyes!”, the hedgehog added teasingly. “Nachos? Those are delicious! Jalapeños make them better!”, the badnik said, thinking about goopey, cheesy... </p><p>“Field Reporter! Are you paying attention?!”, Neo Metal Sonic shouted angrily. “Wha- oh, uh.... Yeah! Yes sir!”, The badnik added quickly, saluting the robot. “Jeez, do all of them space out like that? No wonder I was able to walk right through the front door without much trouble”, Sonic said chuckling. </p><p>“Cut to the chase Sonic! What business to you have here?!”, Neo then shouted. “Can’t a hedgehog just come by for a visit? Anyways, I was wondering why all your soldiers act funny around me these days”, Sonic responded, slightly confused. “Acting funny you say? Absolutely preposterous! Why don’t you just say you just got new tricks up your sleeve?”, Neo added, laughing at the idea his soldiers would fall for something stupid. </p><p>“I highly doubt whatever your thinking is the case Sonic. I’ll give you 10 seconds to leave my domain or else-“, Neo Metal Sonic began until he heard a loud thud. Something had hit the floor and hard, almost as if a boulder had dropped then and there. Neo turned his head to reveal the badnik who has stood next to him was on the floor. </p><p>The other robot was face flat on the floor, not moving yet was operating on a strange temperature. Neo was confused, and tapped him gently with his foot. “Field Reporter?! Stand up immediately! What kind of foolery is this?!”, Neo said strongly, demanding the badnik stood up at once. </p><p> The robot refused to move, as it laid there limp. It finally chose to move, by turning its head and saying, “Oatmeal”. Neo was immediately confused and shouted, “I beg your pardon?!”. Without another moment’s hesitation, the robot stood up and shouted, “DAMN MA”. </p><p>At this point, Neo had enough. “Field Reporter! What the hell has gotten into you?!”, Neo shouted at the badnik. “OOH LORD!”, The reporter robot shouted, and then fell to the ground again. The pointy robot then shouted, “Field reporter! You will cease this nonsense-“, Neo Metal Sonic began. </p><p>“T h i g h s”, the badnik said in a wobbly voice. “Yo Neo! He malfunctioning or somethin’?”, Sonic asked, at this point equally confused. “Cause I did nothing to him, and definitely you saw that too”, the hedgehog added, not trying to take blame for the malfunction. “Yes, yes I saw that. Field reporter! You’re a damn shame to the entire Neo fleet!”, Neo shouted at the robot, now kicking it. </p><p>The robot immediately stood up and rushed over to Sonic. The blue speedster flinched at the sudden movement of the badnik. “Huh?!”, he said loudly before the robot dropped to his knees in front of him. The badnik clasped his hands together and began to beg at the top of his lungs. </p><p>“Please! Please! Oh god I need you to sit on me!”, The badnik shouted. Sonic’s face went from confused to flustered in seconds. “What the hell?!l”, Sonic yelled out stunned. “Just for a minute at least! 30 seconds at that! Just sit on my back please!”, the badnik shouted. “Neo what  the fu-“, Sonic began only to feel the world slipping from his feet. </p><p>“Wha-?!”, Sonic shouted. Before he knew it, the badnik was underneath him and was positioned in a way that it would support his weight. There was the sound of a sudden sigh of relief as the badnik seemed pleased. Sonic was now sitting on the badnik’s back, and was just confused. </p><p>Neo stood there flabbergasted. “Field Reporter! Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?!”, Neo shouted, in disbelief. “Sonic, you’ve sure been putting on more muscle lately right? I can tell! You at least do 3 days of toning a week right?”, The badnik asked, still seeming very happy. “Um... yeah? I usually do the rest of the week for high intensity cardio or full lower body”, Sonic replied, even more confused than ever. </p><p>“What does that have to do with anything?”, Sonic asked. “That would explain why you smell like you’ve just gotten out of the shower! I bet you’re showered after your workout before coming here to see the boss huh?”, The badnik replied. “What the hell?! Neo, this dude’s completely lost it!”, Sonic shouted at the pointy robot. </p><p>Neo gripped his fists and shouted, “Field Reporter! You have 10 seconds to get off the floor or you will be turned into spare parts!”. The badnik looked back to him and said, “I really couldn’t care less! Smelt me down for all I care! I’ll still die a happy robot!”. </p><p>Sonic laughed at this, and Neo angrily left. “Such buffoons! Over exaggerating just because Sonic took a shower and works out?! I fail to see the appeal!”, Neo Metal Sonic thought to himself angrily. He returned to the control room and decided that when this was all over, he would make sure not even the processor remained on that field reporter. </p><p>Looking back to the cameras, which were finally working Neo saw something out of the ordinary. The robot’s were all huddled together and were talking about something. Neo couldn’t hear them, they were all whispering. Over the intercom he shouted, “What the hell are you guys even talking about?! What in the actual hell?!”. </p><p>All the huddled up badniks looked at cameras and said, “He must know!”. Another badnik said, “He will submit to it too!”. Neo Metal Sonic heard a large amount of footsteps approaching the control room, as they collectively tore down the door. The pointy robot was then surrounded by his army of reprogrammed badniks. </p><p>They all being murmuring and whispering something mysterious until one of them shouted, “Bring him to the our new ruler!”. Neo Metal Sonic was swarmed by his robots, as they all floated him into another place in the building. “What are you all doing?! Put me down right now!”, he screeched. </p><p>The throne room was thier destination. Forming a circle around the throne, they threw Neo Metal Sonic on the floor at the base of the throne. Sitting apex on the throne was Sonic. He looked kinda confused, yet intrigued. “It’s kinda weird how you guys just ditch your ruler here y’know! I’m not your ruler ok?”, Sonic said. </p><p>“Nonsense! You’ve shown us all you are far capable to rule over us! Badniks, bow!”, someone in the crowd shouted. The badniks were all soon on the ground, as someone forced Neo Metal Sonic to bow too. Sonic made his way down the throne and said, “Guys this is too much! Seriously, you can all stand up now!”. </p><p>“Neo, you too! There’s no reason to bow to me!”, Sonic added. “No! He is unworthy still! You must show him the way!”, Someone else shouted. “Why you-!”, Neo Metal Sonic began. The robot then felt the hedgehog sit down in front of him. On his knees, the hedgehog said, “What are you waiting for?”. </p><p>Neo Metal Sonic seemed confused until someone shoved his head down. The robot was confused until he felt something wrap around his head. “Um Neo? You can breathe right?”, Sonic asked, clenching his thighs together. The pointy mechanical being didn’t reply, as he currently being crushed by Sonic’s thick thighs. </p><p>Letting go, Neo Metal Sonic lifted up his head for air. His face was flustered, as he then panted out, “Crush me more”. Flipping around, he caressed Sonic’s thighs as they wrapped around his face down to his neck. They rubbed against him, to which the robot sighed happily. </p><p>“Woah! I’m surprised your spiky head isn’t killing me right now!”, Sonic said happily, relieved he wasn’t being poked. Neo Metal Sonic was on complete cloud nine, as the badniks watched. “He has seen the way!”, Someone shouted. </p><p>“He has! All hail the thighs!”, Someone else shouted, and they started bowing again. “All hail the thighs! All hail the thighs!”, The continuous chant within the badniks. Sonic then asked awkwardly, “Yeah, I have no idea why they worship my thighs. It’s weird don’t you think Neo?”.</p><p>“As a fellow worshipper of thighs, I beg to differ. Please keep crushing me, please, please, please! I renounce trying to take over this world! I now offer myself to you Sonic!”, Neo Metal Sonic replied, which prompted the azure hedgehog to squish him further. The robot seemed overjoyed at that. </p><p>“Ya sure Neo? I thought you liked all the power and all that stuff! If your serious, maybe I’ll fully close my legs for you ok? Does that sound good for you?”, Sonic added. “Yes! Anything for you! Just keep me smothered in them!”, Neo replied, as the blue hedgehog nodded. “Eh! As long as you don’t try to take over the world or hurt my friends, I don’t see no harm being done! I’ll give you what you want”. </p><p>Fully closing his legs around the robot, who now was giggling manically. “Such force! They could squash my processor like a watermelon!”, Neo Metal Sonic thought to himself, as he was being smothered in the best way possible. “Hurry up and get off our ruler! We want to be crushed too!”, a badnik shouted in the crowd.</p><p>“Yeah! I can assure you i’m the most optimal to be crushed! I should go first!”, someone else yelled back. “What?! That’s some serious cap! I’m better!”, Another voice shouted. “Hell no! You all buggin’! I deserve to go first!”, and “Y’all chattin’ frfr! I should go instead!” Were heard in the crowd. </p><p>“Oi Neo, it looks like your turn is up! Others want to go too ya know! I’m not trying to cause an uproar!”, Sonic said, slowly opening his legs again. “Alright! Who wants to go next?”, Sonic shouted. All the badniks stopped arguing and looked at Sonic. “No more fighting ok?! Form one neat, single filed line! If you cut the line, you won’t get a turn!”, the azure hedgehog added. </p><p>Within a few seconds, all the badniks formed the line. It went out the door, as Sonic knew he’d have his workout cut for him. “If this is to stop world domination, I guess I’ll have too”, He murmured to himself. He felt his thighs being forcefully closed as Neo Metal Sonic said, “No! You’re my personal neck pillow now!”. </p><p>Other badniks sucked in their lips and some groaned. “Neo! Get off de bomboclaat floor!”, someone else shouted in the line. “Otoko wa bangō o shutoku shi, rainbadi ni hairu!”, Another badnik shouted angrily. “Asraei balfel, laqad kunt 'antazir thlath saeat balfel!”, Someone else yelled out. “Que lo que coño! Levántate ya!”, Another badnik shouted. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah! All y’all can suck my-“, Neo Metal Sonic began, only for Sonic to reopen his thighs. “Now Neo come on! You can’t hog me for yourself! They’ve made such a nice line, I’d hate to send them away unsatisfied!”, Sonic said, slightly scolding the robot. “For Mobius, I will work my thighs to their limits!”, he added, determined. </p><p>“I want to be the very thickest! Like no one ever was! Now, who wants to help me work out some more?”, Sonic said, hoping Neo Metal Sonic would finally get off the floor. When the robot didn’t budge, Sonic had an idea. It was like one of those cartoonish lightbulbs that went off as he knew what to do. </p><p>“Oh Neo~!”, Sonic said, stretching out his words so that he would catch the robot’s attention. “Tell you what! If you go back onto the line, I promise you that when you reach the front again I’ll do something special for you!”, Sonic began. Neo Metal Sonic looked up in great interest, eager to hear more. </p><p>“If you really want, I’ll smother you completely until you faint! Doesn’t that sound great?”, Sonic said, hoping his plan would work. The robot finally complied, as he slowly started lifting himself back up. “Damn... you really were thicker than a bowl of oatmeal”, Neo Metal Sonic said, his mind still fuzzy and happy. </p><p>“Well I’m glad you had a good time! Next!”, Sonic replied, as the next badniks said, “I was born ready!”. The azure hedgehog nodded and giggled. He recognized him from earlier, it the field reporter badnik. “Thanks for rounding up all your friends for me! For that, I’ll give you lots of extra care!”, Sonic added, as he flexed his thighs one more time. The field reporter squealed in delight, as he was purely ecstatic. </p><p>“Anything for you-ugh~! Hahaha! They saw the true-oh god! Power of thighs!”, the field reporter responded, currently being gently smothered. “You even made Neo come here too, so I guess you’ve earned your spot here!”, Sonic said, giving the robot more excitement by filling closing his legs around him. </p><p>“Hrrgh!”, the hedgehog said, as he fully flexed his lower body. The sounds of pure joy were muffled as the badnik’s nose was the only to peek through. After about two minutes, the hedgehog relaxed his legs as he opened them. “Alright buddy! Your turn is up! I can’t thank you enough field reporter! You get a good boy stamp in my book! Next one please?”, Sonic said. The flustered badnik stood up in a daze and ended up next to Neo Metal Sonic, who was also still in a daze. “Man, even if I suffocated I would have died a happy man”, the field reporter said relieved. </p><p>“You said it”, Neo Metal Sonic replied, as they stood there still on cloud nine. Sonic went about happily, crushing badniks with his thighs. The robots came in all shaped and sizes, but there was one thing in common. How happy they seemed afterward. Who knew that in order to stop Neo Metal Sonic and his army, all Sonic needed to do was crush them? Literally. </p><p>“Oh wow! You actually kinda tickle! To make it easier for me and you, would you prefer it if I sat on your face instead?”, Sonic asked the badnik he was currently crushing. Everyone in the room froze as Sonic added, “You might want to hold your breath though, it’ll be at least a minute of no air”. The Badniks and Neo Metal Sonic looked at one another. </p><p>Another line was immediately formed. </p><p>|~~~~| </p><p>From that day forward, the kingdom of “Thighlandia” was born. Many were confused as to where this new kingdom popped out from, as it had never existed prior to a few weeks ago. Sonic was hailed as it’s ruler, despite the azure hedgehog saying he was doing it for Mobius. </p><p>The people of the kingdom had a slogan as well. It was always said when meeting each other, leaving and amongst other things. “Thicc thighs save lives”. Many tried to investigate the kingdom, and simply ended up living there after their visit. It lead to a few strange rumors emerging from the palace especially. </p><p>“Didn’t you know that Sonic is the one who rules over?” and “He must have overthrown Neo Metal Sonic in an attempt for power”, were floating all around. Sonic decided he would address these concerns, so he decided to meet with some press detailing the rumors. </p><p>“It’s simple really! I just showed up to Neo Metal Sonic’s doorstep and before I knew it, I had one hell of a work out! I’m pretty sure I made progress too, I’ve been eating plenty and gained a few pounds”, Sonic said lightheartedly. “I always make sure to make my citizens happy! Don’t worry, we’re a nation of peace! We don’t want war or any of that stuff, as long as I crush them daily! You know?”. </p><p>Some of the press didn’t even say much, they were focused on how Neo Metal Sonic groaned happily when he was being smothered right in front of them. “So... um King Sonic?”, a reporter asked quietly. “Yes? Is there something I can do for you? I want all visitors to the kingdom feel as welcomed as possible!”, Sonic replied, hoping he was doing good.</p><p>“Could you maybe... crush me with your thighs too? Just before I go?”, the reporter finished shyly. The azure hedgehog nodded at him. “Of course! Make sure to write about your ‘crushing’ experiences you know?”, Sonic added, as he then said, “Alright Neo! You’re time is up hun! The nice press guy wants to go next”. </p><p>Neo then said, “Please sit on my face next!”. Sonic rolled his eyes. “I spoil you too much Neo! If you don’t behave, I’ll have to give you room to breathe!”, The blue hedgehog scolded. “I refuse! I want you to spin my head 360 again!”, Neo Metal Sonic rebutted. </p><p>“Ugh fine! Neo, I’ll give you 5 whole minutes without air once I’m done with the nice press dude ok? How does that sound?”, Sonic said, partially rolling his eyes. Behind the press, a neat single filed line was started. “Sobrang saya ko”, a badnik said, rubbing his hands excitedly. </p><p>“Ne m'oublie pas!”, Another badnik said, looking over from the line. “Syntrípste me epísis!”, Someone else yelled out. “Are they all speaking in different languages?!”, One of the reporters shouted. “Amazing! Badniks capable of speaking multiple languages! Such a linguistic set of people!”, Another reporter said. </p><p>Sonic happily crushed a reporter, as they sighed happily. “I guess I have no choice but to live here now! Take my camera and notepad! I’m never going back!”, The reporter said, happily tossing his items over to another reporter. “Oh my! Looks like we have more company then! Looks like I’ll have to do my best to run this place!”, Sonic said, crushing his new resident. The reporter and all the badniks then shouted out on Neo’s command, </p><p>“Thicc thighs save lives!”.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was listening to “Caramelldansen”, “Yeah!” and “Candy Shop” at the same time, this quarantine got me fucked up. </p><p>(Yes, the badniks are speaking in other languages. Might need google translate if you want!) </p><p>-I need a hamster and Japanese food,<br/>WeDemBoiz, your favorite degenerate author ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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